we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
