Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
