FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
