I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will be naked everywhere
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
