I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
