i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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