if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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