please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
