don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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