If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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