Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
