just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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