Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
