my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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