Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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