but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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