used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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