Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
