lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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