the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
