i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
