i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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