I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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