I need help removing her.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
