I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
