and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
