Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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