Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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