Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
