This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
