We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I know her cup size but not her name....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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