I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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