Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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