I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
