How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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