bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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