I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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