Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
