I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
