You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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