Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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