Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
