My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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