my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
