I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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