is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
