Apparently you make a good broom.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
