If i come over, it means nothing
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
