At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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