Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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