i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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