awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
