wat bout pragnant strippers??
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
