I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
