I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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