This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
