these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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