how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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