Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
